LOMM & Racism: A Disclaimer

A couple of days ago I wrote a skit based, rather bizarrely, around the 200 kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls and British pop star, Olly Murs.

This was perceived by one rather irate gentleman as being in some way racist and in poor taste. The latter may well be true, the former most certainly is not! In point of fact I am about as far from being racist as it’s possible to get to be brutally candid with you. Allow me give you a few details if I may:

My late father was imprisoned in apartheid South Africa for his outspoken views on that hateful, oppressive regime and brought me up to respect people as a whole, no matter what their ethnicity or the colour of their skin. I have adhered to his teachings throughout my entire life and shall continue to do so.

Down the years I have had the enormous pleasure of befriending many people of colour and have spent many fun-filled hours enjoying their company and their hospitality when I’ve had the honour of being invited to their homes.

Last year my wife and I had the enormous privilege of being invited to a Sikh wedding in East London by none other than the bride herself, who has adopted my wife and myself as surrogate parents and who, extremely annoyingly, insists on calling me “Pops” I have also been invited to the funeral service of the groom’s father, which my wife and I will be honoured to attend.

So you see my good friends, although I may be many things, and indeed, have been called most of them, a racist I am not. Perhaps the irate gentleman may care to take this little missive into consideration the next time he wishes to call me “White Man” or a KKK sympathiser. (No the irony of having my skin colour used to deride me wasn’t entirely lost here either) πŸ™‚

I can also assure you that that neither of my good friends and brothers-in-bilge on here, who, along with myself, stink the place out on an almost daily basis with their scribblings, are racists, homophobes or misojy…missogeny…Miss Ogen…blokes who don’t like women. Although to be fair Big Gaz doesn’t much like Manchester United fans with ginger hair and Airedale Terriers, but then again who does????

I hope this sets the record straight and that we can now all get on with having a bit of a chuckle and some friendly discourse. That’s what this blog is all about you see? πŸ™‚

As you were.





Filed under Disclaimer

25 responses to “LOMM & Racism: A Disclaimer

  1. Reblogged this on mikesteeden and commented:
    For the sake of clarity I share and endorse the message of Lord Daniel Soz 7th Earl of Whitechapel.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Are you serious? (I mean running a satirical site, I don’t know if this is a real rant or a joke.) I mean did someone really blast you for that? The very epitome of satire is to be humorous in an ironic or exaggerated fashion especially on political or headline news issues. It’s meant in good fun and never to be construed as the author’s actual opinion. If you really got blasted, Clive, that’s very sad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sad but true nonetheless I’m afraid Rachel. It didn’t bother me in the slightest to be honest with you as I knew it to be entirely untrue. What people call me on the interweb is very much water off a duck’s back to me. It’s when they start pulling guns that I start to feel a little uneasy πŸ˜‰
      Ah well, onwards and upwards and all that. Have a great day πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. alienorajt

    Bloody well said, that man! Some people just don’t get satire. I wrote a satirical piece a while back which received several in-depth explanations as to exactly why it was so offensive.
    I think those who have either been born with, or have had elective surgery to produce, a humour by-pass are unable to appreciate that satire is slicing darkly humorous pieces from the system, the attitudes, the policies and twattish thought behind the incident, wankoid behaviour (etc!) – rather than expressing loathing for colour, creed, gender.
    A lovely little irony which always strikes me is this: Yes, satirists do skate pretty close to the line at times – and so they should, in my opinion; but all too many of the Disgusted from Tunbridge Wells Brigade think nothing of watching skewed reports on television, reading the bias and filth which passes for news in so many of our tabloids bum-wipes – and swallowing it with little more than a tut!
    They may fulminate upon the content of the story – but rarely do they hurl invective upon the way it is written/told.
    People who are offended by satire are, very often, those who have little to no true sense of humour, take themselves very seriously and get a kick out of disparaging others.
    Carry on the damn good work, chaps! I’d far rather read a post on here than almost any self-righteous and Importance of Being Earnest ‘serious’ piece!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beautifully put! The old clinchers for me were “humour bypass” and “wankoid behaviour” πŸ™‚


      • alienorajt

        Thank you! I tend to speak as I find – often in four-letter word type language. Got me into no end of trouble when I was a teacher – but I suppose, in retrospect, calling the little shit who pulled my chair away as I went to sit down a fucking wanker was a tad undiplomatic!
        I was forever being told to be more ladylike!


      • More ladylike? Story of my life too I’m afraid Teach. I do make the effort on Saturday evenings after the wife’s gone to visit her mother mind you. *taps out pipe on table and applies hint of lip gloss* πŸ™‚


  4. alienorajt

    Reblogged this on ALIEN AURA'S BLOG: IT'LL BLOW YOUR MIND! and commented:
    I thoroughly enjoy the satirical writing on this site, and have been an avid reader of their hilarious stuff for a month or so. Having had a completely OTT response to a satirical piece of my own a while back, I have every sympathy for the words in this disclaimer. I support the LOMM totally on this one. If a site is clearly labelled as a satirical site (as theirs is), I do not think people should come onto it expecting Mills and Boon type romance. It is analogous, in my mind, to someone going onto a Hard Core Porn site – and then complaining about the sexual content! Right, I am off to reblog my own satire now!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind support and the reblog, it was much appreciated and I’ve made a little speech on your blog to that effect. The cheque is very much in the post and your front yard completely free of burning crosses.
      Kind regards


  5. ellierayne

    Unwise my good man! Keep ur will intact. Good. πŸ˜‰


  6. I appreciated this – I was raised with similar values and I, too, have been occasionally so wrongly and meanly labeled – I think this may be an example of the reflexive ease with which the label of racism is mindlessly indicted by our modern culture

    Liked by 1 person

    • This’ll probably make you chuckle then Paul. I used to write for a satirical magazine back in the day and once subbed a piece of copy written in the swivel-eyed stylee of a slavering white supremacist from The Deep South. To my utter amazement and undisguised amusement I was accused of expressing my own views in the piece, which I of course strenuously denied before quitting in disgust. The editor later tried to apologise but the damage was done I’m afraid.
      I expect he was a foreigner of some description. Tsk.



  7. christ on a bike, it’s sad that you felt any need to post this disclaimer at all !

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve known you Clive for many years and you’ve rarely, if ever, shied away from subjects that are sensitive. Your work often highlights the total horror or absurdity of a given situation and I think you do it well. Satire isn’t for everyone and the language it uses and the message it brings can sometimes be lost on the less impartial or those that aren’t particularly satire savvy.

    For those of you that don’t know him well, Clive approaches such subjects as racism, homophobia and misogyny, head on. If he’s writing about it and using touchy words, it’s to take the p*** out of those he loathes and he loathes racists, homophobes, women haters and more than anything, he hates those that hurt children.

    I’ve witnessed him cross swords with the types of people he’s sending up and he’s as far from being racist etc as anyone can get.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. To whom it may concern.
    My friend Clive is many things. A gifted funny man. (There are few on this planet) He is a patriarch, welcoming people from many races and creeds into his extended family. The adoptees, feel safe, and protected by Clive.
    Clive is old school, he holds values that have long seen a demise in our society. My good friend, has not, in all the years I have known him, ever been given to racial prejudice, for any reason. I find it abhorrent, and insulting, that a person could tarnish Clive with that disgusting, offensive mantle. If you do not like a particular piece Clive has written, you have the right to voice your opinion. But please, before you do, read it again.
    Clive Danton is not a racist. He never will be. It would be an impossible path for him to walk. We love him, Christian, Jew, Sikh, Muslim, Taoist, Buddhist,
    Agnostic, Hindu, Tamil, Gujarat…These are just a few of his friends.

    Yours Faithfully

    Gary Hoadley
    West Sussex

    Liked by 2 people

    • I also have a bit of a soft spot for Jehovah’s Witnesses and men wot go down the sewers with big rubber boots on.
      Thanks for that me old china plate! I’d have expected nothing less from you tbh. Especially given the exorbitant salary I pay you. *seethe*
      Take care and look after that little diamond of yours. She’s almost as pretty as me fer chrissakes! 😦
      Be lucky son x

      Liked by 1 person


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