Ray Winstone’s Cockney Crocheting Corner

ray winstone

I’m the daddy of this sewing circle you slag!”


In this section we ask our readers to submit questions of a crochet-connected variety, to our good friend and non-typecast, East London hardman actor and all round blindin’ geezer, Ray Winston.

Dear Ray

I’m thinking of making a keepsake box which I should like to decorate with some pretty crocheted flowers and would greatly appreciate any advice you could offer me on suitable designs, types of wool etc.

Thank you so much in anticipation for any advice you can give me on this one Ray.

Billy Beef

HM Prison Wansdworth


Dear Bill

Behave yourself you saucy mug! Don’t you come on my manor pulling strokes and taking liberties son! I’ve shit harder geezers than you Tinkerbell. How you’ve got the front to sit there in your cold and damp 6′ x 12′ peter and ask a geezer of my standing in the East End to help and advise a diabolical little toerag like you is beyond me you cheeky slag! I swear to God if I wasn’t speaking at a needlepoint and embroidering seminar tonight I’d come round there on a visit and serve you up squire! Now go on, piss of out of it before I change me mind you slippery, two bob arseole you!

PS.Firstly always ensure you buy a good quality yarn Billy. I can’t stress the importance of this enough. As for the pattern itself, try a granny style stitch stripe, perhaps with a nice picot edging.

All the very best for the future





Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire, Spoof

10 responses to “Ray Winstone’s Cockney Crocheting Corner

  1. Bwaaa haaaa haaaaa!!! This was great!


  2. sozsatire

    Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE and commented:
    I’ve just realised that if I shamelessly reblog my own skits, which first appeared in The League Of Mental Men, it will save me having to write any new ones here! Plus the fact I can annoy even more innocent bloggers and can spend more time avoiding my family. It’s a win/win job! Apart from for you poor sods of course. *lights pipe and emits maniacal cackle*

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I did the self same thing with one of mine – do you think an angry mob will chase us both off the blog. Hope not – not with me gammy leg and all that!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. After this skit, I’m going to recommend you to all my crocheting bloggers. You’re in the know 😉 xx


  5. garyhoadley

    I’m handing myself in, the old bill are bound to come looking
    after reading this little gem. “It was all Clive and Mike officer, I
    make the tea and clean the basement, nothing darn there, honest”…*gulp*


  6. garyhoadley

    Reblogged this on Satire Scrapyard and commented:



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