Police 5: An everyday story of arresting folk.

police

“Whereabouts do you think we are exactly WPC Pocket?”

PC Pick and WPC Pocket are patrolling the streets in the sleepy town of Dorking in Surrey

****************

“Did you see that Pocket?”

“See what Pick?”
“That bloke just picked up a sack and threw it in the back of his lorry”.
“Hit a chap with an ice lolly?”.
“No, he just nicked a sack! Look, he’s doing it again”.
“That’s a dustman Pick”.
“Is it?”
“Yes, you must get those jam jar bottom glasses fixed”.
“Nothing wrong with my eyes WPC Pocket”.
“I’m over here Pick”.
************************************
Further down the high street.
“Is that an alarm going off?”
“Someone’s chopped their arm off? Where!”
“No, WPC Pocket, I said there is an alarm going off”.
“Sounds like church bells”.
“Don’t believe it!”
“What?”
“See that woman?!  She’s just mugged that dwarf of his coat!”
“Pick, The woman has taken her kids coat off!”.
“Oh, looked very suspicious”.
“It would do with those glasses you got on”.
********************************************
Outside Dorking East railway station.
“Bit breezy out here Pocket”.
“Are you”
“Am I what?”
“A bit wheezy”.
“No, I said it is breezy!”
“Yeah”.
“You need your ears tested”.
“I am not!”
“Not what?”
“Flat chested!”
“Ears tested WPC Pocket!”.
“Oh…”
*************************************************
Patrolling the Dorking Municipal Cemetery.
“Puts the willies up me WPC Pocket”.
“You need them when its wet”.
“What?”
“Your wellies”.
“For fucks sake, get that hearing aid sorted”.
“Don’t like the stuff”.
“Don’t like what?”
“Lucozade, gives me wind”.
********************************************
Later
 
“Getting dark now Pick”.
“Yes, the ghouls will be out”.
“What, in here!”
“Eh?”
“Get your goolies out in here!”
“I said ghouls you batty bastard!”.
“Come on, lets go to the park before it gets dark”.
*****************************************************
Patrolling the town park.
“He’s nicked!”
“Who is?”
“That bloke, he just threw an apple at that boy”.
“They are playing cricket PC Pocket”.
“Oh…”
“Have you cleaned them glasses today?”
“Nope, no need, I have two, two vision”.
“Yeah, in the left eye”.
“I was in the tactical firearm squad”.
“What as? A Target?”.
Harsh!”.
“Come on, lets get back to the nick.”
End
Gary Hoadley
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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Police 5: An everyday story of arresting folk.

  1. ellierayne

    Sweet!

    Like

  2. Bwaaaa haa haaaaa!!!! This one cracked me up the whole way through!

    Like

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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