Letters To LOMM

josef

Dear League Of Mental Men

Can somebody please tell me how it is that Jack The Ripper can brutally murder and mutilate 6 prostitutes and get off scot free, while all I did was grab the barmaid’s arse in The Lord Rodney’s Head in Whitechapel and was promptly given 6 months imprisonment for lewd conduct?

It strikes me there’s one law for sexually insane late 19th century psychopaths and quite another for long-suffering Joe Public.

Teddy Vulva

East Timor

Clivey

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7 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour

7 responses to “Letters To LOMM

  1. I wrote that one despite being ravaged by man flu you know?

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  2. sozsatire

    It’s absolutely true that is. The germy sod’s kept me up all night with his snivelling, wheezing and honking. Bastard! 😦

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  3. Sod off you miserable git! You started crying like an ickle girly the other day just because you stubbed your toe on the side of the bath!

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  4. sozsatire

    😦

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  5. Well I have it from a good source that the barmaids arse was a plant – a very nice plant yet a plant nonetheless! So Teddy next time do a bit of arse reconnaissance prior to going for a full on grasp! That’s my advice anyway. Regards, Felicity Crippin.

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  6. alienorajt

    Vulva, you egregious little toad, doesn’t one know that the deeply esteemed Mr. Ripper ( Jack of that ilk) was sired by Royalty and, thus, slithered out from between the loins of a being far superior to either you or your barmaid (however comely she might have been). One can’t bung one’s relatives in the clink, now can one? Who knows what ill-begotten riff-raff they would be forced to mingle with?
    One’s wife is, between you and one, pretty hacked-off by this calumny – and, if one wants any chance of a grope oneself between now and one’s ninety-third birthday, one is going to have to lie on the Aubusson and ape a Corgi in Surrender Mode.
    Pert, was she? Plumptious? Can’t say one blames you, old bean – but got to keep a united front with She Who Must Be, don’t you know?
    Yours
    Anonymous From Buckingham Palace

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    • I’m afraid I’m unable to answer this one. It’s over 30 words you see? It’s a demarcation thing. If I were to answer anything this lengthy I’d be off the firm a bit lively. I’ll make a note of this and hand it over to Mike and Gaz at The Hot Air Branch.
      Yours respectfully etc.

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PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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