World Moisturiser Stocks Dwindle As Olly Murs Tones His Great Big Face

olly

“I gotta big face”

There was widespread concern in the world of male grooming yesterday when the latest figures revealed that stocks of moisturiser had descended to an all-time low after pop icon Olly Murs ordered over 500 tonnes to be delivered to his luxury Essex home on Monday of this week.

It is believed that Murs, 15, employed a work gang of over 200 beauticians, who worked tirelessly over  four days, massaging the skin toning application into his gigantic face.

A spokeswoman for Nivea, who supplied the material and workforce for the herculean task, told us last night. “It was an enormous undertaking to moisturise Olly’s massive dial but we were determined to succeed. We used an industrial muck spreader to spray the cream onto his enormous face before teams of up to 50 girls, working in 10 hour shifts, rubbed it into his pores, some of which were more than a metre in diameter. We  got there in the end though and the big smile on Olly’s gigantic clock was reward in itself for all our hard work”

Murs, who is currently being deployed in the search for missing Malaysian airliner, flight MH370, where his big eyes are proving invaluable in scanning the sea bed for debris, said last night. “I’m obviously sorry that world moisturiser stocks are depleted but I have to say all that cleansing and toning has proved an absolute boon given that I’m having to dip my gigantic dial in the drink for hours on end”

This latest revelation comes just two weeks after cotton stocks almost ran out when Simon Cowell had a new pair of his gigantic trousers made in a specially converted aircraft hangar in Taiwan.

Clivey

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8 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

8 responses to “World Moisturiser Stocks Dwindle As Olly Murs Tones His Great Big Face

  1. I never could resist an Olly Murs write.
    Excellent young man.

    Like

    • leagueofmentalmen

      The funny thing is EF, I actually quite like the boy. He seems a cheerful, bright and kindly young cove judging by appearances on TV, anecdotal evidence etc.
      Maybe I should switch my *vast surface areas of flesh* lampooning to somebody who gets on my nerves. Vanessa Feltz’s arse perhaps? hehe

      Like

  2. His great big smile doesn’t help hide any of his dental secrets either. At least he should have an easy time at the dentist.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The Quilt Meister

    Isn’t there a song about fat faces? I think he’s got a fat ass too, let hope he doesn’t start moisturising that too!

    Liked by 1 person

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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