Australian Police Launch Nationwide Hunt For Man Suspected Of Initiating Foreplay With Girlfriend

aussie

“Brace yerself Sheila, I’m coming in mate!”

 

Australian police were on full alert last night as news broke that a 35 year old Sidney man may have attempted to stimulate his girlfriend sexually prior to intercourse. The 33 year old woman concerned is believed to be in a shocked and distressed condition and was being cared for by relatives last night.

A spokesman for the Sidney Police Department spoke briefly to reporters last night. “A 33 year old female has reported to us that a male Sidney resident attempted to commit an unselfish sexual act with her prior to consensual sex taking place. We are taking this matter extremely seriously and we urge women in the area to be extra vigilant and to alert police immediately if approached by this man. We also appeal to other women to come forward if they have ever experienced wonderfully pleasurable or deeply satisfying sex at the hands of this individual”

The man is described as being 6′ 2″ in height, of medium build with dark wavy hair and blue eyes. Police suspect he may be carrying a bunch of flowers and be displaying, what they describe as, “a friendly, affectionate and caring disposition”

A forensic team entered the man’s apartment late last night and emerged carrying a number of items which reportedly included a collection of romantic poems, a box of heart-shaped chocolates and a number of books on the female orgasm.

This latest news will shock the entire nation, still struggling to come to terms with the case of the  Melbourne man who was caged for 12 years last month for taking his socks off prior to making love to his fiancée during a romantic, two week break in Bali.

Clivey.

For more deeply unfunny material of a similarly appalling standard please visit http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire I mean to say, strewth, fair go mate!

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21 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

21 responses to “Australian Police Launch Nationwide Hunt For Man Suspected Of Initiating Foreplay With Girlfriend

  1. I can see the need for deep concern, what if this spread to other Australian males??? A culture shock of epic proportions is likely to ensue.

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  2. What’s the world coming to? Before you know it, the men will be venturing into the kitchen to help out and even volunteering to clean up after themselves! This sort of stuff needs nipping in the bud, I tell ya!

    Another great skit from my favourite satirist. x

    Like

  3. Reblogged this on mikesteeden and commented:
    This reblog is born of my pathetic envy. I am one of the trinity of writers writing for the League of Mental Men. However, our prime mover Danny Soz penned this one – the bastard! A classic example of how satire should be written – hence my envy!

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    • So it was a kind of “pen envy” you had going on then Mike? Different I’ll give you that mate 😉

      Thanks for that by the way old horse. Mucho appreciado amigo 🙂

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      • It was one of those posts whereby I mumbled the ‘c’ word – in a nice way I stress – simply because it was an absolute blinder written in a sublime style that is beyond my own capabilities!

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  4. Suspect he was Irish, we claim anyone who does good or achieves greatness.

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  5. Lydia Devadason

    My thoughts are with the women of Australia at this difficult time…

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  6. This was a gem. Excellent satire. Thank God it’s just fiction. If any man anywhere actually did anything like this, and women heard about, the rest of us would be f**ked.

    Like

  7. What can you do? Some guys just want to get their fingers into everything.

    Like

PLEASE BE GENTLE. WE SATIRISTS CAN DISH IT OUT BUT WE CAN'T TAKE IT.

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